I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
