Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
