I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
