gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
