Apparently you make a good broom.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize