i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
