u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hippo gnu deer
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
