you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
