You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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