He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
