Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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