i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
