I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize