Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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