I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Randomize
