The maid of honor just puked.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sorry about my life...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
