was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
