That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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