Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
