Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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