i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We named our party play list daddy issues
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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