Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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