he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
