non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
