Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you never un-have a 4some
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You ruined the universe
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
