we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
