Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
