Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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