she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
