No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
