i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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