My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
