The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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