i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
