he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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