look no pants
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize