Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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