What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
