Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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