Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
