that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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