I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
