I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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