the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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