he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
