I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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