dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
