Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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