I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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