Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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