did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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