Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
