I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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