The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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