Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wear drunk well.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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