AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
