no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
