just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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